Losing A Child To A Child Care Provider

How do we maintain our life and sanity in a world where services provided are often in emergencies and other situations so inadequate?

Losing a child for any reason is a heartbreaking experience and one that no parent, relative or even friend should  have to endure.
The fear that lives today in the hearts and minds of young active parents, who are in most cases, doing all the right things to protect and ensure a safe environment for their children is unacceptable.

There are each day more and more stories of children being left in compromising situations that are leading to their deaths and serious injuries.
Any parent knows the pressure of paying bills and achieving acceptable lifestyle goals cannot be achieved most times by staying home.
This means that childcare is a big factor in how families live and survive and are in the top 5 or top 10 things people have to consider when planning to or having children.

I cannot express the pain I feel for the parents especially the mothers when something outside their control happens to their children!

From almost grown children to small little just experiencing life, little ones.
The agony of ones own life, life choices and even their right to carry on after the death of a child. All comes crashing in when a child is hurt or lost outside the care of the parents or trusted caretakers.

How can those licensed and bonded to care for children weather at a school, a child center or at a home like setting just fail someone's child like some of the many stories said they did?

Just like that!

Your child was in perfectly legal care of a child care provider and then your child died or was gravely injured.
There are very few answers and so much pain involved when this happens.
Jaccy Kane has decided to give a few home grown tips of how parents may be able to spot problems and risks before something actually happens.

You may be seen as over reacting but when nothing happens to your child that is normal to happen and you will never know if any second sense or action you took was why nothing ever happened.

Tip 1
Sometimes as parents we have feelings. One feeling is that your child for no reason just a feeling, might be in some type of risk of maybe dying or getting hurt.
It's just a feeling and it can vary from child to child when their are brothers and sisters. That one of them makes you think this. People who advise you often say, Oh your just over reacting or something like that.
Between you and me, You might be but there could be something more to it.
When you have feelings of fear for your child not maybe making it,  you might be right. Go with your fears and be extra careful in anything to do with your child including, your childs caretakers.
Believe your heart as this is your child you know best and better then anyone else.

Tip 2
They don't like me or us as your family unit.
This can also be a fact maybe they don't like you, your lifestyle, how you look, speak or dress. Never think that childcare professionals are not regular people to. They can harbor plenty of ill will and weird hate fantasies about their clients, the children and even other staff members in and under their direction.
Never put it past any one to use your child if this opportunity came up,  to settle even imagined scores.
One way to field through this,  is by asking questions at pick up times. Questions about your childs habits, their own children even advice about how they would handle a child care issue. Example , Baby don't eat his or her vegetables, what to do? Baby makes a mess or potties slow, what to do?
This gives an opportunity to see what this "you" for the hours your child is there thinks. Probably no one says much to them most times.
Build a relationship with your child's care taker.
You might be glad you did later.
Be genuine even give your private contact info. They are stressed and may even call you for advice about staff or other issues because you cared more and saw a person not just a service.
If there is a dark moment, they might protect your child even more then the other children only because they liked you.
Also you may find a reason to remove your child if this "you" while your away gives strange answers or suggestions.
One big sign is, How they don't take mess from kids or parents?
Really?
What if my child bit the living crap out of you would you slap my baby down like a dog or take it as part of the job?
These small minutes of small talk can change everything and maybe save your child and other children in the future.
Being stuck up and feeling your above the help,  in today's times is always risky.
Remember your child will suffer so be kind as this goes a long way.

Tip 3
A funny feeling that something is not right.
A very broad base situation that even people close to you might think your over thinking it.
But in reality you might not be.
Trust your own intuition. Why would you feel funny anyway? There has to be a trigger as to why.
Use Tip 2 and try to see what you notice.
Also show up early, occasionally. You may have to work this out at work by leaving early or taking an extended lunch break or even telling a fib. Maybe take a sick day that might seem dumb if everything looks ok.
Don't ever feel like you wasted your time. You let the provider know, "YOU" might pop up unexpectedly so if something is not right you may just show up one day.

Tip 4
Ask your child or make pretend time at home. Lets play day care. And let your child even small ones,  show you what they think goes on at child care.
Use toys other children and even get a hat or bib to let your child be the day care provider. See what the child shows you.
Make sure its about 30 minutes to an hour of play and do this at least once every 6 to 8 weeks. If your child begs you to play maybe they want to tell you or show you something new.
Most times good will be shown but in a child's mind. If something happened even to one of the other kids. Like a boo- boo or a child was naughty they will think to show you at play time.
This also presents a child who acts different, even if they cannot talk that good yet. They know something the child care provider doesn't know "YOU".
They have away to say what is going on.
Often providers who are shakey test the loyalty of the children before they let down their hair. Make sure your kids are armed,  that Yes we do communicate about "you" me, mommy and daddy. So "you" watch out!
Hear?

Tip 5

Ask you childcare provider out right. Do they like your child and or do they like children or is this just a job for them. Sometimes people who take in kids to mind did it for the money only. They can often do a very good job because they follow the rules and take the income very seriously and are very focused. They also see this job as a business and want to do well so they watch the children like a hawk. They may even be critical of the care or parenting styles of some of the kids parents and come off wrong, get minor complaints but nothing ever happens to the children they mind in their care.
Then their are care takers who say they love kids and feel their natural nurturing instincts led them to this career path.  These types of caretakers can provide a great environment for your child but they can at times get overwhelmed, are difficult to explain things to and can wiggle out of minor incidents and have very few complaints untill something goes really wrong.

So using these tips can give you some peace of mind and a foothold on a little bit extra going on in making sure your child is safe at your childcare arrangement.
Making sure everything is ok when your not around.
Also bookmark and share with other parents and don't tell people about these tips. Keep it between us {secret}.

There are no words to express the pain parents feel to lose a child to a child care provider.

Who in almost all cases of lost or injured children was negligent.

They either were a time bomb waiting to happen or one day everything went wrong and your child was the innocent victim.

You will replay every encounter, feeling you had, often, for years to come when something goes wrong for your child at childcare.
That only if you could have known you could have saved your child.
Your Also Right...that's the saddest part of the matter,  "YOU".

Parents often split up if they don't have other children or start working on having a new child quickly when a child dies in this way.
The mother is often the most hurt and guilty and cannot see replacing the lost child with a new child,  as being the right thing to do to honor their love and memory of the child they lost.

Jaccy Kane thinks this is a real issue but if life permits, having another baby after losing a young child under 6 especially by the negligence of others,  it is definitely ok to just try again.

To feel bad but to try again fast!

Your going to be guilty as heck but this was not your fault.

No Not "Your" Fault At All!

Once you have the new baby,  "YOU" will feel better and see that it was not bad to just try again.

Your new little one will always remember their brother or sister before them and part of the reason they got to be your new baby.
Your lost child loved you and sometimes children die way before their time, a sad and cruel fact but a fact all the same.

But today and for your children of tomorrow, you will be more attentive to your feelings even unfounded weather you lost a child or not.
You will affect many by your strength and love.

Remember:
Ask questions and don't ever be silenced because it's a hard topic, the daily care of your child.
Good providers will respect you and bad ones will show their true colors pretty fast.
So just take your time and know,  many are on your side.
It's so unfair and we hope it can work out for you eventually and the loss of a child was a loss but also the time you had and....
Well no one can fix that what you lost, we hope laws change and these negligent childcare workers from hell go burn there for what they did to you.

We Are So Sorry.
But we said something.

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One Such Story Of A Mom & Dad

https://www.yahoo.com/news/family-sues-illinois-day-care-224925334.html